Now I know how a horse may feel...

As it is in the chute of a racing stall. The anxiety: will this ever start? How long do I need to be in here...alone... Knowing others are on either side of me, just as nervous and raring to go??? I know this because I was just at Rock Bottom Brewery with some friends and, inevitably, used the loo. First, the checking of the stall for cleanliness and loose debris. Then committing to what I see as the best option only to realize that they are all really the same. Next, walking into this stall only to find I have to straddle (STRADDLE!) the loo just to fit my body in and shut the door. Backing slightly up, shimmying around so I am facing the right way, and this is the point that I am unsure if I am the horse or the jockey. I find that the loo is strangely low and I am crouching, with calves practically dug in on either side of the porcelain bowl, knees bent, and torso forward ready to leap out of the gate. Do I really need to have only inches on either side of my shoulders before I hit metal walls? And will someone be calming me down with a pat on the neck and some soothing words? The lady in the next stall turns to her cell phone for comfort. The beeping of the buttons and sounds of "Angry Birds" confirms this. The lady on the other side clacks her heels on the tiles, first the left heel (click, click, scuff), then the right (click, click, scuff). It starts again... FLUSH!!! and the doors fly open! It's a race to the sinks, the soap dispenser, and finally, the air dryer. Thank goodness it's a Dyson supra jet dryer. Zoom!!! I take second place, but know I have done my best. Bathroom designers here have a sense of humor, and have seen Micky Rooney riding a bale of hay in "The Black Stallion". Yet another wonder of loud, crazy restaurants.