Happy, Fat, and Full. Seen it? It's just around the next bend...

HAPPY: Joyful. Not Sad.
FAT: Having enough that you are no longer lacking, to the point of excess.
FULL: Not Needing Anything More in this area.

The elusive state of mind where there are no problems, which means, by default, happiness. Hearts and unicorns, peace and prosperity, a room full of marshmallows to sleep on... whatever the elusive spot of happy goodness is to you, it all looks like something that motivates us to spend more, save more, or wait for our ship to come in.

The problem comes when it all comes in at once. Windfalls. DARN YOUR HIDE!!!!!

My daughter thinks i'm talking about food when i use the term "Happy, Fat, and Full", but it is usually used in a conversation about money. I have had "Thin times", where we are scraping by to make it to the end of the month, or the week. And then there are "Fat times", where we have excess.

And then there are windfalls, which I believe every person has a few times in their lives. Through good or bad circumstances, a heap of Fatness comes our way.

For me, our windfalls have happened 3 times now. The first was when my husband received a large package for getting let go as a result of a merger. And because our mindset was that "we have arrived", ..... we spent it all. No forthought at all. Even when we were telling each other that we need to slow down, stop, and look to the future, we saw the coolest toy or trip and said, "we will worry about it later". and boom! we spent our way into an enormous thin time. 2 years, to be exact, of thinness.

I felt like the sad looking guy that had won the lottery 2 years ago and was now homeless and owing 5000 to a card shark named Borris.

Next was a sad windfall when, as a result of an accident that left my husband with 4 surgeries and a brain injury, we received a settlement. it was after 4 years of recovery and heart ache, so there wasn't a lot of joy in it, but after the bills were paid, a vacation for the family to reconnect, and some put in savings, it was also gone.

This time I just felt empty.

Luckily, we were in a better place physically, and financially now. Husband has had a great many years in his career choice, so when he was let go through yet another merger he has a large network to pull from. This has resulted in the third windfall. He has gone into consulting and it is currently a very FAT AND HAPPY time. Also, we are not in crisis, so we are able to think clearheadedly. My goal is to put money away and save save save save....... still thinking that we will need to even things out when we are in a thin time.

Then, we will be able to ride the storms out without being unhappy. Right?

Ever thought that the ship that's coming in is simply a daily sail around the shore of life? Not a place, a destination or a goal, but the daily appreciation and love for life as it is?

I guess what i'm noticing here is a pattern. i have been shoring up, and being disappointed when i didn't have enough finances to recoup the losses, and disappointed when i had too much finances and felt like i was wasting it.

The interesting part to me is this: when i have been Thin in finances, I have been humbled, and noticed the beauty in small things. I have given of my time instead of money and learned to appreciate being on the receiving end. I have acknowledged that i am not in charge of my life and that i can function without funds. A lot of blessings showed up. And thanks to all those who assisted us in time, tenderness, understanding and, of course, funds.

when i am Fat in funds, it is so much easier to take for granted ... everything. i can fix ... everything.... with flinging money at it, and sometimes that is the last thing someone or something needs for a situation to be truely fixed. I am a bit embarrassed to know that about myself.

So where does this leave me in my goal? my what should i wish for-ness?

How bout just to enjoy the day by day lessons and joy? My windfall is now acknowledged as the day by day happy goodness. A rain storm. A day with friends and family where it doesn't end with the bedroom doors slammed. A mint chocolate shake from ... anywhere. It is no longer a destination, a house, a goal, an amount that gives me the permission to live free. it's my choice every day. I will be working on appreciating the little things and loving them through the thick and thin. The Fat, and The Thin. I just may enjoy them with crab legs every now and then...